Making Happiness a Habit through Mindfulness

Susan Kaiser Greenland, JD, Author, Educator, is the developer and co-founder of the Inner Kids mindful awareness program for children, teens and their families. She is author of The Mindful Child: How to Help Your Kid Manage Stress and Become Happier, Kinder, and More Compassionate (Free Press, 2010). Susan teaches children, parents and professionals around the world and consults with various organizations on teaching mindful awareness in an age-appropriate and secular manner. We are grateful to have Susan Kaiser Greenland delivering the opening keynote address The Mindful Child: Teaching the New ABCs of Attention, Balance and Compassion at our Bridging the Hearts & Minds of Youth Conference. Her keynote will explore the development of greater concentration, mindfulness and compassion with children and young adults.

What if happiness was a habit that we could teach children? We can. Qualities that lead away from happiness (strong negative emotions) and qualities that lead toward happiness (ethical actions) are all rooted in habits developed in the past. Mindfulness helps children and teens recognize the habits that lead to happiness and break the ones that don’t.

Habits are easy to make, hard to break and everybody has them. Some habits are physical (cracking knuckles and twirling hair), some are verbal (using certain words or phrases) and some are psychological (worrying, daydreaming, judging and over-analyzing). By repeating a habit we reinforce the brain circuits associated with it and make the habit stronger. The stronger the habit, the stronger the neural pathways, and the stronger the effort and determination required to break it. If teenagers check their Facebook pages first thing in the morning, every morning, checking Facebook will soon become their default, automatic response to waking up. If they hike or meditate first thing in the morning, every morning, hiking or meditating will soon become their default, automatic response to waking up. The more a habit is repeated the stronger it becomes and the more likely it is to become a person’s automatic response to a specific experience.

There is a well-established, evidence-based curriculum that uses mindfulness to develop life-skills that make people happy. It rest on three universal qualities attention, balance and compassion. Countless parents and educators, who have tried this curriculum themselves, are now passionate about teaching mindfulness to youth. They form the basis of an emerging grassroots movement to bring mindfulness to education.

Mindfulness is a refined process of attention that allows children to see the world through a lens of attention, balance and compassion. When children learn to look at the world with attention, balance and compassion they soon learn to be in the world with attention, balance and compassion.

Making compassion a habit.
To make compassion a habit all kids need to do is promise that everything they do will be kind and compassionate and keep that promise. Sound easy? Anyone who has ever taken a vow, and then tried to keep it, knows that saying you’ll speak and act in a certain way is easier said than done. The best way to keep a promise is to make it a habit and that’s where mindfulness can help. Mindfulness is the mental quality by which children and teens remember to check-in with themselves throughout the day and make sure they are on track. Mindfulness helps kids remember their intention to be kind and compassionate and notice if they’re acting and speaking in accordance with it. We don’t expect children to be perfect, any more than we expect perfection of ourselves, but using mindfulness to notice when they swerve off track and away from their intention allows them to correct their course.

Making concentration a habit.
Concentrating on one thing and nothing else is a crucial skill in school. Students who have the capacity to direct their attention toward what they’re studying, and keep it there, have an obvious advantage over those who are easily distracted. To develop concentration, and make it a habit, students use mindfulness to periodically check-in and make sure they are still paying attention to their chosen object. “Has my mind wandered or become dull?” “Am I paying attention to my homework, or am I thinking about the past or future? ” “Am I alert or have I faded into a sleepy state of mind?”

Making balance a habit.
Once children and teens use mindfulness to develop compassion by remembering to check-in to make sure they’re actions are aligned with their intentions, and refine their attention by checking-in to make sure they’re paying attention to their chosen object, they are ready to use mindfulness to develop emotional balance. The strong and stable faculty of attention that children and teens develop practicing concentration becomes more refined when they use it to see what’s happening in, to and around them clearly even when what’s happening is emotionally upsetting or charged. Like developing attention and compassion, when developing balance students check-in periodically and notice what they’re attending to. Mindfulness in developing emotional balance goes deeper by developing discernment a powerful quality of wisdom through which children and teens notice, among other things, patterns and habits of action and speech.

Hope motivates change.
I’ve worked with parents around the world and they have one thing in common: Parents want to be happy and they want their children to be happy. They’re worried that the current educational system doesn’t teach the life skills necessary to solve the myriad problems their children will surely inherit. Many parents feel hopeless. When they learn that mindfulness training is – an evidenced based curriculum; with a long, reliable track record; universal in its approach; and taught in a secular way – they feel hopeful again. Hope motivates change and explains the growing, grassroots social-action movement for mindful education.

See the Good in Others

Rick Hanson, Ph.D. will be delivering a keynote address, Managing the Caveman Brain in the 21st Century at the Bridging the Hearts and Minds of Youth: Mindfulness in Clinical Practice, Education and Research Conference being held at the Catamaran Resort Hotel, San Diego, CA February 4-5, 2012.

Dr.Hanson will also be presenting a public lecture, Taking in the Good: Helping Children Build Inner Strength and Happiness at the UC San Diego Medical Center, Hillcrest Auditorium, San Diego, CA February 3, 2012, 7:00pm.

What do you notice in people?
The Practice:
See the good in others.
Why?

Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what’s inside other people – especially their good qualities?

In fact, because of what scientists call the brain’s “negativity bias” (you could see my talk at Google for more on this), we’re most likely to notice the bad qualities in others rather than the good ones: the things that worry or annoy us, or make us critical.

Unfortunately, if you feel surrounded by lots of bad or at best neutral qualities in others, and only a sprinkling of dimly-sensed good ones, then you naturally feel less supported, less safe, and less inclined to be generous or pursue your dreams. Plus, in a circular way, when another person gets the feeling that you don’t really see much that’s good in him or her, that person is less likely to take the time to see much that’s good in you.

Seeing the good in others is thus a simple but very powerful way to feel happier and more confident, and become more loving and more productive in the world.

How?

Slow down – Step out of the bumper car and spend a few moments being curious about the good qualities in the other person. You are not looking through rose-colored glasses: instead, you are opening your eyes, taking off the smog-colored glasses of the negativity bias, and seeing what the facts really are.
See positive intentions – Recently I was at the dentist’s, and her assistant told me a long story about her electric company. My mouth was full of cotton wads, and I didn’t feel interested. But then I started noticing her underlying aims: to put me at ease, fill the time until she could pull the cotton out, and connect with each other as people. Maybe she could have pursued those aims in better ways. But the aims themselves were positive – which is true of all fundamental wants even if the methods used to fulfill them have problems. For example, a toddler throwing mashed potatoes wants fun, a teenager dripping attitude wants higher status, and a mate who avoids housework wants leisure. Try to see the good intentions in the people around you. In particular, sense the longing to be happy in the heart of every person.
See abilities – Going through school, I was very young and therefore routinely picked last for teams in PE: not good for a guy’s self-esteem. Then, my first year at UCLA, I gave intramural touch football a try. We had a great quarterback who was too small for college football. After one practice, he told me in passing, “You’re good and I’m going to throw to you.” I was floored. But this was the beginning of me realizing that I was actually quite a good athlete. His recognition also made me play better which helped our team. Thirty-five years later I can still remember his comment. He had no idea of its impact, yet it was a major boost to my sense of worth. In the same way, unseen ripples spread far and wide when we see abilities in others – especially if we acknowledge them openly.
See positive character traits – Unless you’re surrounded by deadbeats and sociopaths, everyone you know must have many virtues, such as determination, generosity, kindness, patience, energy, grit, honesty, fairness, or compassion. Take a moment to observe virtues in others. You could make a list of virtues in key people in your life – even in people who are challenging for you!

Last and not least: recognize that the good you see in others is also in you. You couldn’t see that good if you did not have an inkling of what it was. You, too, have positive intentions, real abilities, and virtues of mind and heart. Those qualities are a fact, as much a fact as the chair you’re sitting on. Take a moment to let that fact sink in. You don’t need a halo to be a truly good person. You are a truly good person.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (in 21 languages) and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s taught at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and in meditation centers in Europe, North America, and Australia. His work has been featured on the BBC, NPR, Consumer Reports Health, and U.S. News and World Report and he has several audio programs with Sounds True. His weekly e-newsletter – Just One Thing – has over 27,000 subscribers, and also appears on Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and other major websites.

For more information, please see his full profile at www.RickHanson.net.

UCSD Offers Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workshop for Nurses

We are thrilled to announce registration is now open for our Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workshop for Nurses January 28, 2012, 9am-3pm at UC San Diego Moores Cancer Center, La Jolla, CA. Please join workshop leaders Lois Howland, DrPH, MSN, Livia Walsh LMFT, MS, MA, RN, and Amy Holte, PhD, MEd, in this exciting experiential workshop. You will gain insights on bringing mindfulness into your daily life for self-care along with exploring strategies for offering mindfulness to your patients to promote healing. This continuing education activity has been approved for 7 contact hours by the UCSD Medical Center Nursing EDR which is accredited by the California Board of Registered Nursing, Provider # CEP55 .

In this workshop, nurses will learn how to:

• Practice mindfulness strategies and techniques

• Practice self-care on and off the job

• Apply mindfulness and self-care in daily activities, such as eating, walking, and moving

• Integrate mindfulness into interactions with patients, colleagues, family, and friends

• Improve ability to cope with short- and long-term stressful situations

• Implement brief mindfulness practices with patients and family members as a means of coping with acute pain, anxiety, and distress

Registration

On or Before January 14, 2012: $125

On or After January 15, 2012: $150

Lois Howland, DrPH, R.N.

Senior MBSR Teacher

Lois Howland, DrPH, RN, completed the professional training program in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction at the Center for Mindfulness, University of Massachusetts Medical School, and at the Omega Institute with Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, and Saki Santorelli, EdD. She has been a mindfulness practitioner since 2000. Dr. Howland is a graduate of the UCSF School of Nursing, and the Harvard School of Public Health. Dr. Howland is a full-time faculty member in the School of Nursing, University of San Diego, and conducts research related to biological mechanisms of stress particularly as it affects maternal and child health.

Livia Walsh, RN, LMFT

MBSR Teacher

Livia Walsh is a nurse and licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Encinitas, California. She developed an interest and pursued training in the area of holistic/integrative health including mindfulness over her 30 plus years of professional practice. She completed the MBSR training program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center and Omega Institute under the direction of Jon Kabat Zinn, Saki Santorelli and the senior teaching staff. Ms Walsh also teaches MBSR at the Senior Center in Encinitas. She integrates mindfulness in her work with patients and students. In her capacity as clinical supervisor at San Diego Hospice and other institutions she has taught mindfulness-based interventions to graduate/post-graduate students and professional staffs. Ms. Walsh believes strongly in the mind-body connection and in an integrative approach to achieve and sustain optimal health and well being.

Amy Holte, PhD, MEd

Senior MBSR Teacher

Amy Holte, Ph.D.,M.Ed. has been a meditation practitioner since 1997 and has been teaching mindfulness techniques for health, stress-reduction, and well being since 1999. She is a graduate of The University of Texas at Austin where she completed her doctoral research on meditation and the brain in an interdisciplinary Ph.D.program in East West Biopsychology, and a M.Ed. in Human Development and Education. Dr. Holte is the Director of Mind-Body Medicine and Team Leader of the Functional Restoration Program at The Center for Orthopedic Care in SanDiego where she teaches mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and tai chi in her work with chronic pain patients.

Mindfulness Interventions for Bipolar Depression

Dr. Marchand is an investigator at the George E. Wahlen Veterans Administration Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Utah.

Bipolar disorder is a severe psychiatric illness characterized by episodes of depression as well as periods of elevated mood, known as mania. This condition, previously known as manic-depressive illness, causes considerable suffering and disability. Furthermore, bipolar depression is often difficult to treat and associated with anxiety symptoms and an increased risk of suicide. Thus, additional treatment approaches are needed. Interventions that target anxiety and suicide risk, in addition to depression, could be particularly useful.

Mindfulness-based interventions have demonstrated effectiveness for symptoms of unipolar depression (major depression not associated with manic episodes) and anxiety. There is also evidence accumulating that these approaches may help reduce suicide risk. Therefore, I recently reviewed the literature to determine whether clinical trials of mindfulness-based approaches for bipolar depression are warranted. The results of that review were recently published in Depression Research and Treatment.

Several lines of evidence support studies of mindful-based interventions for bipolar depression. From a psychological perspective, bipolar depression appears to be associated with abnormal self-referential thinking, as has been established for unipolar illness. Further, ruminative analytical thinking about the self may contribute to symptom expression in both disorders. Thus, the practice of mindfulness would be expected to be beneficial for bipolar depression as a result of decreasing maladaptive self-focused thinking patterns. Similar mechanisms might also contribute to decreased suicide risk among those suffering from this condition.

Brain imaging studies also support clinical trials of mindfulness-based interventions for bipolar depression. Evidence links the function of the cortical midline structures with both emotional dysregulation and self-referential thinking in unipolar illness. Therefore, this brain region may mediate the relationship between aberrant self-referential thinking and negative emotion in major depression. Some evidence suggests that similar mechanisms may play a role in bipolar depression. Thus, while unipolar and bipolar depression are different psychiatric disorders, similar psychological and neurobiological mechanisms may underlie symptom expression in both conditions. This suggests that the response to mindfulness-based interventions may be similar across the disorders and provides a theoretical basis for the study of these approaches for bipolar depression.

A few studies (see references) have provided early evidence that mindfulness-based treatments may be useful for bipolar disorder. Moreover, diverse lines of investigation provide a conceptual background supporting continued clinical trials of mindfulness-based approaches for bipolar depression.

Please see Mindfulness Interventions for Bipolar Depression by William R. Marchand, MD for a free download of the complete review.

References:

P. Chadwick, H. Kaur, M. Swelam, S. Ross, and L. Ellett, “Experience of mindfulness in people with bipolar disorder: a qualitative study,” Psychotherapy Research, vol. 21, no. 3, pp. 277–285, 2011.

W. R. Marchand, J. N. Lee, C. Garn et al., “Aberrant emotional processing in posterior cortical midline structures in bipolar II depression,” Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology and Biological Psychiatry, vol. 35, no. 7, pp. 1729–1737, 1729.

W.R. Marchand, “Self-Referential Thinking, Suicide, and Function of the Cortical Midline Structures and Striatum in Mood Disorders: Possible Implications for Treatment Studies of Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Bipolar Depression,” Depression Research and Treatment, doi: 10.1155/2012/246725

B. Weber, F. Jermann, M. Gex-Fabry, A. Nallet, G. Bondolfi, and J. M. Aubry, “Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for bipolar disorder: a feasibility trial,” European Psychiatry, vol. 25, no. 6, pp. 334–337, 2010.

J. M. G. Williams, Y. Alatiq, C. Crane et al., “Mindfulness- based cognitive therapy (MBCT) in bipolar disorder: preliminary evaluation of immediate effects on between-episode functioning,” Journal of Affective Disorders, vol. 107, no. 1–3, pp. 275–279, 2008.

Yoga as an everyday survival skill: “Street Yoga” is taking yoga to places where it’s needed most

Mark Lilly, Yoga Therapist, Author and Founder of "Street Yoga"

For Mark Lilly, yoga therapist, author, and founder of Street Yoga, yoga is an everyday survival skill, a practice he has shared with thousands of youth as founder and president of the Portland, Oregon-based non-profit organization. Mark will be presenting a session entitled Yoga at the Edge of Trauma at the upcoming Bridging the Hearts and Minds of Youth: Mindfulness in Clinical Practice, Education and Research, February 4-5, 2012 at the Catamaran Resort Hotel in San Diego.

We are also very pleased to announce that Mark will be leading an open session of “Beach Yoga” on Sunday morning of the conference, beside beautiful Mission Bay at the Catamaran. Plan to attend and practice with Mark!

After years of serving youth on the edge, Street Yoga in the past two years has expanded its commitment to serve by offering more classes and workshops for those who care for youth. These teachings aim to build an entire community of well-being with and around the young people they have always served. By supporting their parents, guardians, case workers, therapists and teachers, they help the young people by building up the health of their communities.

This work has taken a number of interesting turns –bringing them to serve parents, police officers, and front-line social workers. Most recently, Mark Lilly led a retreat for a group of community health workers from North Belfast, in the UK, a neighborhood with some of the highest levels of violence and conflict throughout all of Northern Ireland over the past 40 years. The training emphasized complete self-care as a form of community leadership, ultimately a seed to helping them better serve their many clients, young and old, Protestant or Catholic, throughout Belfast.

That front-line work has grown out of recent research by senior Street Yoga staff around the correlation between mindfulness and resilience, and between resilience and the healing from trauma. Mark will be bringing this work to staff at the Veteran’s Administration in December, and then to a wide variety of audiences throughout 2012.

One particular audience for this front line resilience work is police officers, with specialized modules currently being developed for them, and connections being made with individual officers in San Diego, Los Angeles, and Chicago.

This avenue for healing will bring great benefit to communities served, allowing officers to work with less stress, and greater perceptivity to community needs. A pilot is being envisioned in collaboration with San Diego Youth Services, an innovative agency dedicated to helping homeless youth overcome significant challenges throughout the metro area. SDYS already works with police officers, as well as the US Navy, and such a partnership between those groups and Street “Yoga” Lilly says, “will bring more practical mindfulness skills into the lives of key members of our communities, and will allow us an excellent opportunity to seek solutions to intractable and intense civic issues.”

Wondering about ways that MBSR touches lives? This graduate says it beautifully and powerfully.

By Steven Hickman, Psy.D.
Director, UCSD Center for Mindfulness

In the course of teaching Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, I have had the opportunity to hear first-hand how participation in the program has had an impact on the lives of many people. I know from my own experience of mindfulness practice how powerful it can be, but I often struggle with how to put that into words that really capture the experience. Fortunately, every now and then, one of our MBSR participants articulates it so poignantly and eloquently that I get a new look at how this practice changes lives. Recently, in a class taught by my colleagues Luis Morones and Amy Holte, one of their participants (we will call her Katie to protect her privacy, but she has given us permission to quote her) offered some wonderful feedback about her experience that we felt would be helpful to anyone considering embarking on a practice of mindfulness or in taking an MBSR course. Here is what she had to say:

“Thank you … for letting me attend most of the recent class  (in which I had) a 60% attendance rate, which makes me laugh because in addition to suggesting kindness to ourselves and not always striving towards something (like counting attendance) a mere 60% of your class has changed at least 90% of my life.  Although I have read only the opening of the book and made very little time to practice outside of the class, I cling to the concept of my breath always being there for me, or my feet being planted on the ground, and that has consistently redirected my next action in every situation.  Pausing for a moment to just be present gives you the time to envision a desired outcome or at least remember your long-term goal in any given interaction.

“Always a mellow driver, I now am even more inclined to let others race along without getting upset (hard not to urge others to do the same).  When working with my children, my focus is not on being right, but on getting them to decide for themselves what is right and why.  When there is a work crisis, it is amazing how many people already have the solution but have not dared to allow themselves to solve it.  Or friends who want you to solve their problems but don’t like your solutions, you realize they want the problem, and you can let go without guilt.

“Mostly I am finding that giving myself a moment to reflect keeps me calm and much more able to enjoy everyone’s company.  Just this week, all five of my family were in 1) my bathroom, 2) my closet, 3) our bedroom, and in each instance I stopped myself from saying “why are you all here, stop following me” but thought instead, how wonderful that you want to be with me, that we trust each other and listen to each other and want to be together.”

Katie works in the same office space as that of the UCSD Center for Mindfulness, and her group recently experienced a significant reduction in their workforce. The stress of the process of “downsizing” was immense, and we were moved to extend the offer of free participation in MBSR to any of their group affected by these layoffs. Katie noted, “I know that Steve may have been thinking about laid off employees when he so generously offered us a space in your class, but for those of us left behind to pick up the pieces of the dozen or so people we’ve lost, it has been stressful in a different way – survivor guilt, maybe, and the inability to share about the quality and quantity of work when we should be grateful to still have the opportunity to serve.  If I were going through all of these changes without the anchor of this class, my flame would definitely be starting to flicker!!  It is also such a grounding experience to learn from those whose life situations harbor even darker days. I do so regret having missed the retreat, I felt like I was letting my classmates down, but it was unavoidable.

“I feel so empowered about how to live my life in a way that is healthier and happier and that has positive effects on those I love.”

When I wrote to ask Katie’s permission to share what she wrote in her email to the teachers above, she responded with still more wonderfully descriptive feedback: “. . . essentially this experience has been the best gift since my wedding and the birth of my three healthy boys.  That is really not an overstatement or overly enthusiastic – I feel so empowered about how to live my life in a way that is healthier and happier and that has positive effects on those I love, which was my original goal for joining the group.  It will obviously take a lot more practice, but I can already tell that I am making better choices and just thinking before I speak (I can have a sharp tongue) is improving many relationships.”

It seems as though there is nothing else to say, as Katie said it all quite well! If someone you know could benefit from the practice of mindfulness or may be interested in taking a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course, I highly recommend that you share this blogpost with that person. It could change their life in the way that it changed Katie’s. (NOTE: We have a morning sitting group on weekdays in our office and Katie continues to attend with us many times each week.)

The 2012 Schedule of MBSR Classes offered through the UCSD Center for Mindfulness is now online and available for online registration. Take a look at the lineup starting in mid-January and consider joining us to more fully experience the practice of mindfulness for yourself.

Mindful Parenting: Resilient Children: Parenting in a Rapidly Changing World

M. Lee Freedman, MD, Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, is a Co-Founder of, Mindfulness Toronto and Founder of, Mindful Families and Schools. We warmly welcome her as our newest guest author. Dr. Freedman will be presenting Mindful Parents: Resilient Children: Teaching Mindful Parenting Practice through Group and Individual Psychotherapy at our Bridging the Hearts & Minds of Youth Conference. This workshop will describe a multi-dimensional model of therapeutic intervention in which mindful parenting practices are taught in individual, family and/or group therapy through direct practice experience, conceptual teaching, and within a therapeutic relationship that embodies mindful interaction

Families today live in a society that is rapidly changing, increasingly demanding, faster moving, overly stimulating, increasingly unpredictable, and financially insecure. In the midst of this, stress-related symptoms and conditions in adults and children alike have become common, and cross all socioeconomic lines. There is an increasing need for both children and parents to develop stress management skills, and cultivate qualities of resilience in order to thrive in our current culture, and to prevent illness.

Mindfulness-based programs have been used increasingly in the health care system in the management of stress-related conditions. Extensive research has shown the many health and psychological benefits of practicing mindful awareness. Neuroscience research are showing the positive effects on the functioning and structure of the brain of regularly practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness-based programs have more recently been developed for children, teens, parents and teachers and are increasingly being used as a preventative as well as a treatment intervention.

The practice of living mindfully involves the practice of deliberately paying attention and living as many of the moments of our lives as possible with caring and intentional non-judgmental awareness.

The practice of parenting is often accompanied by multiple stressors. Under stress, we tend to spend more of our waking hours functioning mindlessly, reacting in a habitual way, often ineffectively and contrary to our values. Mindful living is about being fully awake and aware of what is going on, rather than reacting unconsciously according to predetermined habits, patterns, and judgements.

Practicing mindful awareness while parenting enables us to actually see our thoughts, feelings and body sensations more clearly, and with acceptance and self-compassion, as we interact with our children. This further allows us to see our children more clearly. It helps us to be aware of what is really happening here and now, without getting caught up in judgments, ruminations, prior expectations, or worries about the future. This gives us a choice to respond to what is happening in the moment more calmly, empathically, compassionately, effectively, and more in keeping with our values, rather than reacting unconsciously, automatically and driven by our emotional state.

The practice of self-compassion is integral to mindful parenting, as we are more present to our children when we are not caught up in self-judgment. Self-judgment tends to result in exhausting our vital emotional energy either by defending ourselves, or in denial of our feelings and thoughts as they truly are, rendering us unaware of what we may unconsciously be passing on or projecting on to our children. The opportunity to effectively respond to our thoughts and feelings wisely, and act with the best interest of our children in mind, is lost if we are not able to accept and clearly see our thoughts and feelings with an attitude of curiosity and compassion.

Mindful parenting is not a collection of techniques of how-to- dos and what-to-dos. Rather it is a practice of a way to be with our children, that is seeing and accepting of ourselves, and our children as they are now, responding effectively, and encouraging of their further growth in a healthy, safe, peaceful, and fulfilled way. Parenting tasks such as teaching, guiding, disciplining, limit-setting, nurturing, and providing a safe and healthy environment, among others, continue to play a central role of parenting in the context of a mindful relationship in which the child feels heard, respected, seen and accepted. When a child’s behaviour needs to be addressed for moral, safety or health reasons, this need could be responded to with clarity, calm, compassion and wisdom.

The practice of mindful parenting is not conditional on the emotional states or stress levels of ourselves or our children, nor does it depend on external circumstances. Whatever is going on in ourselves, our children and the world around us is the actual subject of mindful awareness, and therefore an opportunity to practice.

Listening in an attentive way is a valuable and practical expression of our love for our child, and understanding our child’s perspective is an effective tool of communication. This often requires slowing down. Unfortunately, it can feel like we are going against the cultural grain to value or to learn how to slow down, pay attention, single-task, delay gratification, and be kind and compassionate to ourselves and to others. For many of us, it seems more culturally congruent to show our love for our children by doing as much as we can as fast as we can to provide them with all of the experiences and opportunities we think they need to thrive in this rapidly changing society.

In reality, we just do not know. The world is changing quickly. This uncertainty leads to some parents feeling powerless, and less confident in their parenting, deferring to the “experts” and well-intended “enriching” activities and stimulation in an attempt to prepare their children for an uncertain future in this competitive and stressful culture. Ironically, this may lead to insufficient time and energy for the most valuable, (and cost-effective) resource parents have to offer their children to enhance their resilience in preparation for their future: regular unstructured, “unproductive” time with a mindfully present and attuned adult. Optimally, a child’s life would have a fluid balance between productive, active “learning time”, and rest and unstructured “play time”. In either case our mindful presence and the mindful presence of their teachers and other significant adults in their lives would enhance any experience.

Mindful parenting becomes especially important with the challenges of raising a child with biological vulnerabilities such as symptoms consistent with diagnoses of attention deficit disorder, anxiety disorder, depression, autistic spectrum disorder, and learning exceptionalities, and under stressful circumstances such as chronic illness of a family member, divorce, exposure to domestic or neughbourhood violence, and poverty, to name a few.

The reliable presence of an adult who is attuned to the child, who is willing and able to consider the perspective of the child, who cares unconditionally about the child, and who is able to regulate their own emotions and attention in order to clearly see and respond wisely to whatever is happening, is extremely valuable to the optimal emotional, social, physical and cognitive development, and success of the child.

Recent findings in neuroscience research suggest that parenting our children mindfully provides them with a sense of security which fortifies their health and wellness, enhances their abilities to learn to their full potential in and out of school, potentiates their ability to regulate their emotions and attention and to make good decisions, fosters resilience in the face of any curve balls that life throws their way, and enables them to thrive in this fast-paced and uncertain world.

Parenting mindfully also deepens the relationship between parent and child, and provides parents with a more comfortable and joyful experience of raising their children.

Mindful parenting is a practice which is simple, but not easy, and most definitely worth the effort.

M. Lee Freedman, MD, CM FRCP(C)